I know some of you may not be happy that I’m interrupting the ”love” story, but I wanted to share some insights from this weekend. Most every holiday this past year I’ve been a little down. I’m not the type who can just automatically cry when I’m sad. It takes a lot for me to connect to my emotions enough to produce tears. On Sunday, I was feeling a little down thinking about Andrew’s dad and how hard that day must have been for him. I was also sad thinking about Ellie and what she lost. I couldn’t get to the point of tears, but I knew I needed a release.
Later that evening, I was watching the NBA finals and that’s when I was finally able to release my sadness. Andrew loved the Spurs! When we would watch the games he would tell me about Coach Pop and his players and what he thought made the Spurs so great! I’ve always been a Mavs fan (seeing as I grew up in Dallas), but I’m not gonna lie the Spurs won me over. I remember watching the games with Andrew and his dad. They would yell at the players when they messed up, jump with excitement when they did something good, and I would laugh at them the entire time. The whole experience was filled with life and energy!
Watching the Championship game on Sunday, made me feel like Andrew was in the room with me. I knew exactly how he would respond, how excited he would be and for the first time in a long time I felt connected to Andrew as my best friend. I don’t take moments like these lightly, because for me they are few and far between. It hit me that there is not another Andrew Heard on this earth and I was reminded that he is not coming back.
As I was looking at the TV screen, Raffy asked me if I was ok. I turned and looked at him and he asked me if I was missing Andy. I told him yes. Even though I’m moving on in life I still get sad. I was also worried about hurting Raffy’s feelings, but I knew I had to get the tears out. He came over to my chair and hugged me tightly and let me cry. He told me he was sorry that I lost my best friend. He encouraged me to feel sadness and to release it. Then he distracted Ellie so I could have some time to myself to cry. It was a beautiful moment and made me so grateful for this man who can understand and empathize with my pain (you will see why he is able to relate so well in later blog posts).
Sometimes when I do cry the tears come from such a deep place that it becomes overwhelming. It shocks me that I have so much pain inside my heart. Writing has been extremely therapeutic. A lot of people may be afraid to put their emotions out there for others to read, but for me it feels natural and liberating. I think this is because when I read books or blogs where the author is honest and raw I immediately connect. It gives me so much hope to know that I’m not alone, because someone else has experienced similar thoughts and feelings. Sometimes feeling connected to someone else is all the motivation I need to keep going. If you relate in anyway with something that I’ve written today; I hope you are encouraged by the fact that you are not alone. Keep pressing forward! Love and Blessings.