I’m hoping you are all having a great week! I have something that has been heavy on my heart for quite some time now that I want to share with you. I’ve been experiencing a lot of guilt around this issue and I’m hoping by talking about it today, there will be healing.
During Andrew’s battle with cancer and after he passed away, I was flooded with loving messages on Facebook, in emails, and from donations being poured into Andrew’s foundation. In the past, I was used to being the one to encourage others and had never experienced being served by so many people at one time.
Immediately after Andrew passed away, I was thrown into a whole new reality and it required me to be completely focused on taking care of my family and on my own grieving and healing. During this time, I felt like I let a lot of people down by not knowing my limits on what all I could handle. As a result, I would commit to things I was not able to see through. In the present, I’m able to show myself some compassion and tell myself I’m sure people understood, but it still causes me distress to think I wasn’t able to fulfill some of those commitments.
As much as I also acknowledge I am not responsible for the feelings of others, I’m only human, so the thought of causing anyone hurt feelings does a number on me as well. Back when this huge life transition was happening, I wanted to reach out to each person individually to tell them “thank you,” however I knew I wasn’t going to be able to thank them in the way I would have wanted to had the circumstances been different.
As time flew by, I began to experience an immense amount of guilt over not getting to write every single person back or thank them in person for their letters, gifts, flowers, messages, prayers, meals, donations, or acts of service. I want to take the opportunity to thank you now. My family and I are SO GRATEFUL for each and every act of kindness and my biggest fear continues to be that someone might think I was not grateful for their individual contribution to our family or that it went unnoticed. Believe me. We noticed J
Becoming the sole provider and caretaker of my daughter, as well as doing my best to carry on my husband’s legacy through his books and art, has been beyond a full-time commitment. It’s one I’m so honored to be a part of. I also wanted to write to you today to apologize for not getting to write each and every one of you a personal note to share my gratitude for all you have done to support my family. Thank you for giving without expectation and for your continued encouragement and support for my family and our next chapter.
I’m looking forward to reading back through the letters and messages of encouragement as time goes by and sharing them with Ellie as she grows up. I just want you to know how thankful I am for each and every thing you’ve done for my family. Thank you for giving me grace and understanding. Didn’t want another day to go by without you knowing how much I appreciate you. Beyond blessed.