Heavy Heart

Heard Family-182

Hiya!!

I’m hoping you are all having a great week! I have something that has been heavy on my heart for quite some time now that I want to share with you. I’ve been experiencing a lot of guilt around this issue and I’m hoping by talking about it today, there will be healing.

During Andrew’s battle with cancer and after he passed away, I was flooded with loving messages on Facebook, in emails, and from donations being poured into Andrew’s foundation. In the past, I was used to being the one to encourage others and had never experienced being served by so many people at one time.

Immediately after Andrew passed away, I was thrown into a whole new reality and it required me to be completely focused on taking care of my family and on my own grieving and healing. During this time, I felt like I let a lot of people down by not knowing my limits on what all I could handle. As a result, I would commit to things I was not able to see through. In the present, I’m able to show myself some compassion and tell myself I’m sure people understood, but it still causes me distress to think I wasn’t able to fulfill some of those commitments.

As much as I also acknowledge I am not responsible for the feelings of others, I’m only human, so the thought of causing anyone hurt feelings does a number on me as well. Back when this huge life transition was happening, I wanted to reach out to each person individually to tell them “thank you,” however I knew I wasn’t going to be able to thank them in the way I would have wanted to had the circumstances been different.

As time flew by, I began to experience an immense amount of guilt over not getting to write every single person back or thank them in person for their letters, gifts, flowers, messages, prayers, meals, donations, or acts of service. I want to take the opportunity to thank you now. My family and I are SO GRATEFUL for each and every act of kindness and my biggest fear continues to be that someone might think I was not grateful for their individual contribution to our family or that it went unnoticed. Believe me. We noticed J

Becoming the sole provider and caretaker of my daughter, as well as doing my best to carry on my husband’s legacy through his books and art, has been beyond a full-time commitment. It’s one I’m so honored to be a part of. I also wanted to write to you today to apologize for not getting to write each and every one of you a personal note to share my gratitude for all you have done to support my family. Thank you for giving without expectation and for your continued encouragement and support for my family and our next chapter.

I’m looking forward to reading back through the letters and messages of encouragement as time goes by and sharing them with Ellie as she grows up. I just want you to know how thankful I am for each and every thing you’ve done for my family. Thank you for giving me grace and understanding. Didn’t want another day to go by without you knowing how much I appreciate you. Beyond blessed.

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13 Responses to “Heavy Heart”

  1. Robert Budd

    Bailey, people reached out to you because they love you and Ellie. True love expects nothing in return. Put down the burden of guilt. You have nothing to be sorry for. Instead focus on the blessings you have provided in your testimony and your walk. So proud of you.

    Reply
    • Carrie Huschke

      Bailey ,Robert Budd is exactly right . Everyone gives out of love and expects nothing in return . Well said Robert .

      Reply
  2. Alan Kent

    Bailey,

    Nobody expects anything from you except to get your life back and take care of your daughter and yourself. You have been an inspiration to everyone, especially with your strength after losing your husband at such a young age. GOD is with you and so are those around you for any support yo need. GOD bless…

    Reply
  3. Tina McTighe Salles

    Oh sweet precious Bailey……you are being too hard on yourself. I don’t think anyone expected more than you gave. When we give in love no one should expect anything in return. You are an amazing person so don’t accept any guilt…love & prayers always

    Reply
  4. Marianne

    Love expects nothing in return. Let it go….we all learn and feel so good from reading all your ‘shares’ and visions. You are loved and do not need to feel shame….Just keep sharing!

    Reply
  5. David

    Bailey,
    You’ve never let anyone down. You are a true inspiration to those around you, you’ve shown compassion and the strengthening power of Christ in your life, your words, and your actions.
    Not every message needs to be answered, most of us just want you to know the impact that you’ve had on us and that y’all are in our thoughts and prayers.

    You’re loved by all that know you and we are lucky to have you as a part of our lives.

    Reply
  6. Barbara

    Bay,
    You never let any of us down. As a matter of fact, I still don’t know how you did all you did, and for that fact, all you still do!! You are amazing, and the fact that you feel guilt, just shows the amazing love you have in your heart for those around you. I love you Bailey Heard, you are an awesome, loving, and one of the most giving people I have been blessed to know!! All that know you have been blessed in someway by your sweet gentle smiling spirit!

    Reply
  7. Mindy Brasko

    What a beautiful soul you are. Continue to focus on you and your beautiful daughter. Those who truly know you, know what a difficult time that was and continues to be daily. Those who reached out to you didn’t do it for a thank you … They did it because they loved you and wanted to know that you were not alone. Live life to the fullest because that is what Andrew would want you to do.

    Reply
  8. Barbara Flessner

    Bailey, may your Heavy heart be lifted. You are a Brave young women trying to take care of your and Andrews daughter. Be Kind to yourself.
    I hope writing this helped lighten your heart. You can not possibly reply to everyone that write you or gave things to you and Ellie.
    Do the very Best you can do each day and give the rest to God!

    Reply
  9. Larry Dunn

    Bailey,
    You have a kind, caring heart. Your motives are pure. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s ok. It appears you are doing an amazing job handling everything. But don’t let things distract you from your priorities of your relationship with God and your precious Ellie. I understand loss. My first wife died from Cystic
    Fibrosis at 28 after 3 years of marriage. My second wife died from liver failure secondary to Hemochromatosis after 34 years of marriage. Every day is a gift. I will pray for you. May God continue to richly bless you.

    Reply
    • Bailey Heard

      Larry,
      Thank you so much for your kind response and for sharing part of your journey with me. I’m so sorry for your losses and I’m inspired by your faith and resilience. Thank you so much for the wonderful advice. I feel so encouraged by you. Truly appreciate you reading and sharing Larry. Blessings.

      Reply
  10. Donna H

    I lost my mother who was my best friend. We laughed and cried together. We had so much fun being together. I have a wonderful husband and son. I’m 59 and am so lost without her. She died January 17 unexpectedly and I can’t get past the grief.

    Reply
    • Bailey Heard

      Hi Donna,
      My heart goes out to you over the loss of your precious mother. What beautiful memories you have of your time together. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to have lost her so suddenly. I encourage you to give yourself permission to take all the time you need to grieve. I’ve taken the last couple of years to meet with a therapist to help me work through the grieving process. It’s been so nice to have a place I can go to talk about my pain over the loss of my husband. Make sure you’re taking good care of yourself. For me that looks like monthly massages, nightly baths, lots of rest, exercise and attempting to make healthy food choices. Lastly show yourself compassion, patience and forgiveness as you are doing the very best that you can. Sending you a great big hug Donna. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful heart. Blessings and love.

      Reply

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