I Still Get Jealous

Heard Family-026

Hi There!

I have a confession: I still get jealous. Especially lately, the green monster of jealousy has been rearing its ugly head. First, let me back this train up before I dive in. Seven years ago I was the pioneer for my friends in regards to marriage. I lead the way, learned a lot of what not to do, and passed that along to my pals. Then, as if that wasn’t enough pioneering, I paved the way for motherhood. I shared the good, the bad, and the ugly to help prepare them for becoming mommies. Then all of a sudden, my world came crashing down through the loss of my husband, right when my life seemed to be getting started. Now, fast forward to the present and I’m watching my friends’ families continue to grow while knowing mine has dwindled. It’s a strange place to be in. Of course, I am happy for my friends and I am one of the first ones to celebrate, bring them meals, and volunteer to help, but if I’m honest, I have to check myself before I wreck myself. By that I mean I need to put the green monster in its place by controlling my thoughts about feeling jealousy toward what I perceive my friends have that I do not. I want to share a couple of tips I use to help me contain the beast when it’s dying to come out and play.

 

  1. Observe and forgive: It’s really important to stay in a mindset of curiosity when we find ourselves starting to feel jealous so as not to awaken Jealousy’s mean cousin, Judgment. Just start to notice when the feelings of jealousy are coming up and ask yourself what specifically triggered those feelings? Then forgive and be kind to yourself.
  2. Get really honest with yourself: Sometimes I get caught up in the idea of what life seems to be like for someone else. I will catch myself fantasizing about how wonderful their life must be, until I stop myself and realize that’s my perception and not reality. The truth is I do not really know what their life looks like. My mom always told me, “Don’t judge your insides by other people’s outsides.” (tweet it out) When I get really honest with myself, I realize what I’m imagining I want isn’t really what I want, it’s what I think society tells me I should have or be wanting.  The honest truth is I can barely handle one child right now, much less two. And truth be told, I’m not ready to be married again.  Doesn’t mean I won’t be one day, but for now it’s a “no.” So ask yourself: is this what I really want or I am just idealizing the thoughts about what society says I should want?
  3. It’s back to gratitude: I said it last week and I’ll say it again, gratitude is the key to a healthy, thoughtful life. Once I begin focusing my mind on all of my blessings, I’m able to take my attention off the feeling of jealousy and onto feeling thankful. I also remind myself of all the things I’m able to focus on because of being in this particular phase of my life, such as building a special bond with my daughter and creating and building a career I love. My career challenges me to use my gifts and passions to impact the lives of those I get to speak to and the clients I get to invest in. When I think of all the pleasure associated with where I am at in my life, then gratitude trumps jealousy.

 

Have you ever struggled with getting the green beast of jealousy under control? What did you do to work through it? I would love to read your thoughts in the comments below. Feeling jealous is a real part of being human, but there are ways to acknowledge it and then work through it. I hope these tips will come in handy whenever you need to snap out of comparing yourself to others and get back to enjoying the unique life that has been given to you. Of course, I wouldn’t necessarily have chosen for my life to turn out this way, but I realize it is my one life to live, and I am learning from all the ups and downs. I will be better because of my experiences, because of Andrew, and because of God’s gifts in my life. If you are dealing with any kind of loss (spouse, dream, job, etc.) and want someone to talk to e-mail me at baileyheard@gmail.com for a free coaching session. Hope to talk to you soon! Blessings Friends.

Bonus material:

Two great books I read last week:

Taking the Lead by Derek Hough – great advice for being a leader in life

The Everyday Supermodel by Molly Sims- I love a great lifestyle book with pics!

 

 

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10 Responses to “I Still Get Jealous”

  1. Tiffany

    Thanks for your great perspective and honest approach to this subject. I lost my husband 2 years ago when my son was 3. I still ache for the life we had…marriage, baby, home, hope for more children, but also am grateful for the life my son and I have now. Some days it’s easier to say that than others. I get jealous too…and feel like my dream was ripped away from me, but I know God has a plan and he has helped me find joy I never thought I would find again. In this Facebook and Pinterest world, I have to remind myself that most people’s lives aren’t as perfect as they appear to the outside world. We all suffer at different times and in different ways….and some struggles are more visible than others.

    Reply
    • baileyheard

      Thank you so much for sharing Tiffany. It’s so true that things aren’t always how they appear and it’s important to remind ourselves of that so that we stay in our lane. I appreciate your contribution and my heart goes out to you and although I don’t know you I feel like we are connected through our experience with loss. Please keep sharing your wisdom! Blessings.

      Reply
  2. Mark Alan Heard

    Remember, we just lost Andrew. We still have each other because of him. We have Ellie to love, Andrew’s dreams,for her and you, and a bunch of old geezers to support you in getting there. LOVE always, PaPa Heard

    Reply
  3. john1323

    Great post, Bailey. I, too, find myself a bit covetous of the relationships I witness around me. From the outside they seem so happy, and pander to a deep desire of my own to be in love with someone special. Yet, Christ reminds me that what’s in front of me is what He’s given me to do well for now, and to be content with — a new career path, preparations for a “someday” family, etc. I hope you continue to find yourself in Him, and know deep down in your heart that He has you exactly where He wants you and planned for you to be from the beginning. Then you can be happy for everyone else around you.
    All the best,
    John

    Reply
  4. jaycuepea

    Hi Bailey! I love your transparency. Jealousy wells up in me, too, sometimes. I’ve learned I have to smother it quickly in order not to let it take on a life of its own. My feelings of envy always spring from the feeling that I don’t have something I want, and so-and-so does have it! So I don’t really need to ponder why I am feeling the feeling. I know too well now. While my husband is still living, and we are still married, I lost him a long time ago. He’s just. . . gone. He’s not the guy I fell in love with and married. I have to make myself stop pondering “why” and accept that it is what it is. I find myself envious of women who have godly, loving men who cherish and lead them. Now this has been a long time coming, so don’t get the idea that I think this is easy, but I can smother that Green Monster quickly by reminding myself that my situation has changed me in so many good ways. God has revealed more and more of Himself to me in this. This awful situation has largely made me who I am. So, even though this sounds strange and trite and ridiculous coming out of my mouth, I have to say I wouldn’t change it. This pain has birthed so much joy and growth in my life. Focusing on that, smothers the life out of the Monster!

    Reply
    • baileyheard

      Thank you so much for being so vulnerable and honest. It makes complete sense to me that you wouldn’t want to change a thing. Some of my biggest challenges, have become my biggest lessons, have drawn me closer to God and have been used to help others and like you, I wouldn’t change a thing. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us. I find that when we share our struggles we find the most connection and community. Blessings to you!

      Reply

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