Use Your Noggin

(engagement photo 2007)

On July 26, 2014, it will be one year since Andrew passed away.  It feels like it’s taken me the past year just to wrap my mind around what happened.  He fought hard for ten, long months. At the time, ten months felt like several years, but now, looking back, it seems like a whirlwind.

Lately, I have been having the most vivid dreams about being with Andrew when he died. I’m a naturally empathetic person, but lately my empathy has been through the roof. I’ve been so sensitive and fragile, lately.  One of the things that broke my heart this past week was when Ellie saw a guy on a bicycle as I was driving her to school. When she saw the man, she got so excited, but within seconds she let out a sigh and said, “Oh, I thought that was daddy.” She then said, “I wish Daddy could come down so he could see Dallas.” She assured me he would really like Dallas.  It’s moments like these that remind me of the seriousness of our loss. A little girl lost her daddy and I lost my husband.

Even though I’m experiencing more sadness these days, there are still so many moments of hope and pure joy. Andrew’s attitude about life and his example of how to truly live in the middle of dying shapes the way I view everything. In a way, he saved me from living a life filled with fear. I saw how he approached his fear of death; he accepted death by fully soaking up the moments he had and using those moments to give back to others and to leave a legacy of love. Knowing now that our days are numbered and that life is quite possibly shorter than we think, I feel more inclined now than ever to live my life with purpose.

This next week, in honor of Andrew’s life, I want to share stories about him that have challenged me, made me laugh and inspired me.  My hope is that they do all those same things for you.

One way Andrew challenged me was through encouraging me to use my brain.  I’ve always been extremely trusting of what others had to say and never saw a reason to question things.  Andrew, on the other hand, questioned everything. At the time, it drove me completely crazy. But now, I am so grateful he taught me to have awareness, to not just believe what others say, but to question and test it for myself.  The first place this really came up for me was in church. Up until I met Andrew, I pretty much took whatever the pastor said as truth.  Andrew, on the other hand, would listen, dissect and test the sermons.  We had many long discussions after church about why a given statement contradicted another, and we would usually end those conversations without any answers. But getting answers wasn’t the point; the point was that we didn’t want to be ignorant and to accept without thinking was ignorance in our book.

As time went on and we had hundreds of these conversations, I started to see life from a different perspective. I started to value having my own personal opinions based on things I had thought through. Andrew’s mind and his ability to process a lot of information quickly was one of the gifts that made him so intriguing. I valued his opinion because I knew he truly thought through everything. I still have a tendency to be lazy intellectually, mostly because the vast amount of information is often overwhelming. And to be honest, I’m not always that interested in the subject matter. But, to this day, I try and remember what Andrew taught me about valuing my own opinions by thinking through the words of others. In a way, this process made me more open minded and allowed me to see other points of view. It has also enabled me to connect with more people.

As much as all of Andrew’s thinking took me on one heck-of-a roller coaster ride, I will remain forever grateful for what he taught me: the principal of learning to think for myself and how to value my well, thought-through opinions. I hope that you will be challenged and encouraged, as I was through my time with Andrew, to think for yourself and value your own personal and wonderful thoughts, Much Love!