It’s taken me a week to build up the strength to write. I’m not even sure I’m in the right state of mind to be writing a blog, but hopefully it will be therapeutic. On Sept. 11, 2012 I found out that my husband Andrew, a 29 year old non-smoker, has a tumor in his left lung. After a biopsy the tumor came up as lung cancer. We recently had a PET scan to see if the cancer has spread and two spots came up (one on his esophagus and another on his right humorous). The doctors were not as concerned with the spot on his esophagusas they were with the spot on his humorous. After the MRI a radiologist believed the spot on his arm was related to the lung cancer (meaning it had spread to his bone). Our pulmonologist didn’t believe it was defiantly cancer, so he scheduled a biopsy for tomorrow morning.
We are waiting to see if the spot on his arm is cancer or if it is possibly a bone bruise or something else. If it is nothing we will hopefully schedule a surgery to have his left lung removed. If it is cancer we will get an appointment with the best oncologist to get him treated asap.
This is Andrew’s second battle with cancer. The first came when he was 18 years old. He had Hodgkin’s Lymphoma stage four (cantaloupe sized in his chest). He was treated at M.D Anderson and considered medically cured pretty soon after we were married.
Before marrying me, Andrew made sure I was clear on two things one was that we might not be able to have kids, because of his past radiation, and two that his cancer could possibly come back. Well, he was wrong about one of those things, we had no problem conceiving our beautiful baby girl Ellie Grace. Sadly, the second one has come true. As weird as it sounds I’ve always had a strong intuition and something in me feel’s like I’ve subconsciously prepared for this battle.
I’ve been fortunate to never have a single family tragedy in my life until this moment. I always heard God won’t give you more then you can handle so I thought He knew I couldn’t handle a tragedy (which I personally believe is terrible theology). I also had the mindset that since life was so easy and good for me when I was young that something terrible would happen (which I now believe is total crap). I never knew how I would handle a challenge this big and I hoped I never would have to. The strength and courage I feel pulling me through each day amazes me. I didn’t know I could be so brave.
The combination of prayers from all over the world and God’s love carries me through the day. Emotionally I crash in waves. I feel strong for a while and then when I am in the present and thinking about my sweet baby growing up and not knowing her daddy I just lose it. The moments I allow myself to feel deeply I go to a place that releases the flood gates of emotion and I let it pour. Then a wave of hope comes over me and I’m carried to the next moment. That’s how I’m making it through each day.
I know that the battle has just begun, but I’m ready to fight for Andrew and for my family. I don’t want to imagine my life without my better half, but all we can do is pray for a miracle and fight our hardest. Thank you for caring enough to read my blog. It makes me feel like I am not alone in this. I feel connected to you even if I don’t know you. I titled my blog Encouraging Growth not knowing at the time that my family, friends and readers would be the one’s that are ultimately encouraging me to grow through this challenging time. Blessings.
Ps I’m forgiving myself for all grammatical and spelling errors as my editor (Andrew) is not quite feeling up to the task these days J
You are perfect, and I love you. Team Heard is going to win! Jesus promised it. John 16:33
Love y’all so much. Believing with you!
I have read both Andrew and your blog posts today and am overwhelmed with sadness, but am also amazed at your strength. I wish I lived closer and could offer something more than words right now, but I will be praying every single day for y’all. You are such an inspiration and Ellie is so lucky to have you as her mom.
BayBay,
You are beyond strong in your faith and love. One day, one moment… The strength to keep going and to know the path ahead is not an easy one but one that you and Andrew will take, hand in hand and step for step. Y’all will always be strong for one another and that love and faith will help him along the way. Your family is in my prayers.
Praying for you consistently throughout the day, you are always on my mind and heart.
My sweet Bailey… God will never give you more than HE can handle! Continue to rest in the arms of the great physician. Love you more than words!
You are toooooo great…. you always have a way of encouraging me even if its not directed towards me at all. I will always look up to you and aspire to have a heart like yours. I love so much. Know that me and my family are thinking of you guys and we are praying for you all.
xoxo
I am praying for you and Andrew! Keep faith in God and lean on Him for strength. Allow Him to grow you through this time. You are loved by many but most of all by our heavenly Father! Much love being sent your way!
I’m thinking about you and your family sweet girl.
Bailey, you are facing this with the best supporter you could have – God. He already knows the outcome of all this and of course we pray it will be complete healing. If it isn’t, He already knows that as well and that He will provide the strength you need to go THROUGH the valley but not stay there. It’s hard to remember that everything that happens to you in this life is for the purpose of conforming us to God’s ideal but it is true. Many prayers going up for both you and Andrew. Blessings
Bailey. You are not alone. Your blog is honest, passionate and inspiring. We are so proud of you. As a family bound by a common belief in the divinity of Christ, we stand with you on this journey. God Bless you all.
We are praying you through this battle!! Thanks for sharing your heart!! God is good and HE is sovreign. Know that we love you and praying ferverently for you!!
Sweet Bailey, I will always remember our days of sharing a room, and how inspiring you always were to me, hopefully, I can repay that favor now. Hopefully, you remember my story, I was diagnosed when Saylor was 2 and I so get where you and Andrew are at in this process. Your blog is such a reminder of my own life, and I have to say that Bailey, there is no possible way at this moment that you will understand the strength you will have,except that it is God given. He will carry you, He will carry Andrew, and you precious baby girl, through all of this will be the reason for you to walk on, keep fighting, and to trust in Him even more than you already do ( if that is possible). You are such an amazing person, and I don’t know why you are here, but I feel that God has prepared you for this valley, and on His wings, your family will soar. Love you and am prayer for you my dear friend!!
Prayers are going to you and Andrew God will see you both thru this journey keep the faith ,I continue with many others to lift You both in daily prayer and healing.
Dear Bailey,
I don’t know you or your husband but I am a HUGE fan of your mom! I have seen your mom speak several times and never miss an opportunity. She is one of the most inspirational, intelligent and determined woman that I know – and from reading your blog post, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!
I am writing you to let you know that my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 neck cancer a year and a half ago and it was by far the worst time of my life. I also have a young child that was 6 months old at the time so I can appreciate what it’s like going through this with a baby! My mother had robotic surgery and a neck dissection to remove a tumor in the back of her neck and two infected lymph nodes – then she went through three months of radiation. I am telling you this to let you know that it is now a year and a half later and she has been doing great…and your husband is much younger than my mother, which is a huge factor in determining survival. I know that with your strength, support and faith, you will be looking back on this in a couple of years as well as one big nightmare that is now behind you.
I also wanted to let you know that I found great comfort in the following site: http://www.dailystrength.org. This site is an online support group where you can connect with others struggling through the same type of cancer that your husband has. I found that people on this site were so willing to help in anyway possible and offered great advice, tips for treatment and dealing with side effects, etc. I also went to a couple of meetings at a local cancer organization, which I am sure that they have in every town, where again the specific cancer types would meet one time per month.
I hope this was helpful and I wish you the very best, Bailey.
HUGS,
Barbara
Bailey – I am reading your blog for the very first time! I am touched by your genuineness and your straightforwardness! (boy that was a mouthful of -nesses!) I am actually on vacation with my children at St. Simons Island – staying up entirely too late! My husband hasn’t arrived yet because he had to work a few days this week before joining us. So (to make a long story a little bit shorter), my husband, Hap, has a cousin from Auburn, AL named Brian Boyd and he is married to Savannah Duncan Boyd, and according to one of your blog posts that I just finished reading, you met Savannah last year at a friend’s wedding. Well, as a result of my dilly dally-ing on FB tonight, I just happened to notice the live ticker in the right hand corner that said Savannah liked your FB post. SO I clicked on your name and here I am. Praying for Andrew, Ellie and of course You!
For the record, I will be a faithful prayer warrior for your family beginning this day! Thank you for sharing your journey! Sincerely, Belinda