Hi there.
I just finished reading my husband’s new book “A Gray Faith.” It’s one thing to read an inspiring story about an amazing man battling cancer and another thing to be married to the man battling cancer. I’m not going to lie. Reading his book all day and sitting next to his hospital bed while he is writhing from pain took an emotional toll. I didn’t realize how much until I called my best friend Lindsay and couldn’t stop the tears from coming.
Clearly this blog may seem somewhat subjective, but of course I’m subjective he’s my hero. The book is great! Andrew writes with such depth. He asks the questions that as Christians we are sometimes afraid to ask out loud for fear that we might be judged. Andrew’s taught me it’s ok to wrestle with God, to be open about your questions and to be brave to admit when I’m not ok.
Before meeting Andrew my biggest fear was not being liked by everyone. Since I’ve met Andrew he’s opened my mind to ask questions of God that may be controversial, but that can create a depth in my relationship with God. Before I was afraid to admit my faults, as it was more important to appear all put together. Andrew has liberated my soul by loving me for me. He’s freed me to openly share myself with the world knowing that I may be judged, but that the true judgment may lie more with the one passing judgement then the one being judged. We all make judgments every single day about everything, but knowing that I can put the judgements into perspective allows me to bravely share my story with the world.
I admire so much about Andrew. He is a fighter of cancer, a lover of God and his family and a truth seeker. He is incredibly gifted and has such a beautiful message to share with the world. If “A Gray Faith” is his legacy I will do whatever I can to spread his beautiful message with the world. I hope that you get the opportunity to read the book. You can go to www.andrewbheard.com and you can find a link to purchase the book. Copies have already been shipped to our house, but I believe you can get it on amazon in September.
Yesterday my parents brought our beautiful baby girl to come see her daddy at the hospital before they took her back to Dallas to take care of her. When she walked in to see her daddy she jumped on his bed and gave him the biggest hug. Later, she grabbed onto the side of his bed looked around at all of us and said with a huge smile on her face, “Daddy is getting better!” It ripped my heart out. Then a little bit later the nurses were attaching things to her daddy’s chest and she just watched with this sad blank stare. At two years old she is taking in so much and I could tell it broke her little heart. It’s hard for me to even write these words because the thought of Ellie hurting from missing her daddy is the thought that kills me the most. That’s where I have to trust that God has taken care of us so far and He will continue to do so.
Whatever you are going through I want you to know that from my experience there is always hope, keep the faith and trust that God will help pull you through to the other side. I love you dearly.
beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heart, Bailey.
It’s inspiring to read your posts yet I feel sad for the struggle being endured by Andrew, and of course the struggle you and Ellie face. Surely God will see all of you through it.
Hang in there fellow Bear and sister in Christ…
Sent from my iPhone
I have heard people say “GOD will not give you more than you can handle” He must think that you & Andrew are POWER LIFTERS! And, yet when I think about it…you both are! You have so much faith to share & to grow in that you will be an inspiration & a guide to ALL! I hate to hear that your sweet honey is in pain, I hated to read him praying to be able to breathe because he has so much left to do. I know OUR DEAR LORD has you both in HIS arms & is keeping you safe. That is where I pray you stay now & always & that HE works through you to teach others. GOD ain’t done with you yet…my prayers & blessings for comfort & strength is with you EVERY DAY!
Praying for y’all!! Grateful that the Lord is enough… but so heart broken that y’all are walking this road.
Praying with you.
I don’t know either you or Andrew but heard about your situation from the Quams. I cannot imagine the pain that Andrew and your family are enduring. You are in our prayers!
I also want you to know that your struggle and more importantly your faith and trust through this are inspirational to us as they must be for so many others. My husband (age 60 now) lost his job about 18 months ago.
This has been a hard struggle for us( and continues to be) but knowing that God is with us through this has been what we have been hanging on to
Reading your blog has helped us know that ours is but a small blip compared to yours. Thank you for being faithful and for sharing with all who will read .
You cannot imagine how you help others.
Wow Denise! Your comment was so encouraging. It is our hope to share our journey to inspire and encourage others. I’m so grateful that you’ve experienced those things through our experience. I am so sorry to hear about your husband’s job. God cares and will take care of you like He is taking care of me and my family. Thank you for reaching out to me and sharing your heart. Love and blessings to you.
So beautifully expressed! Bailey I am so proud of you and Andrew for allowing God to use you through these difficult times. You both have such giving hearts. It is a true testimony to God’s love. We love y’all so very much! Praying continually . . .
Bailey, you and Andrew and your family are truly amazing. Thru God’s love you are an inspiration and beacon of hope for all of us. Praying for you all.
Bailey,
We never know what life is going to hand us, and it certainly has handed Andrew and you a mountain to climb. I know God is inspiring Andrew in his book and it certainly is a way to witness from his bed. No one knows what the future holds, but this will most certainly make your family stronger and closer to God.
We continue to pray for God’s will.
Love,
Joel and Denise
Her little heart MAY be breaking, that is a judgement we could make. BUT her little heart could also be expanding as big as the universe. That is a judgement we can make AND an intention I’d love to hold for her and dare I say you and Andrew too! 🙂
These moments and memories could be teaching her and opening her to the ability to live a life of unconditional heart centered love, fearless adventure toward her dreams and a true passion for health, unconditional love and blissful survival in an uncertain world. I wonder how, with every thing the two of you are teaching her, she could ever be tempted to settle for less.
Maybe that moment you witnessed, where she sat in silent awe…
If I’m allowed to make a judgement…
I would say her heart was doing the very opposite of breaking it was creating a golden beam all around it made of unbreakable magical miracles that vibrate and protect her, that will be a voice of perfect tone that will speak up in times of need throughout her life and the lives of those she loves.
This golden light she is forming will guide her through her life and will literally change the world as we know it.
Beautiful Bailey! Your vulnerability and openness in this post is changing lives as you navigate through a roller coaster of faith and pain. Thank you for opening my heart today. I see you, I feel you and in the process I have discovered more of the beauty of life. Thank you. You, your gorgeous baby girl and Andrew are held soo close to me.
Jey, this is such a beautiful post and exactly what I needed today. Beyond blessed by you, your light and your love.
Baily I lost my son in a tragic accident four years ago. He was 25 and
reading yours and Andrew’s post brought tears to my eyes. I am so glad my son did not have to suffer as he died instantly, but I do wish we had had time for closure. Three days before he died he made a prophetic statement to me…it was the last time I saw him alive…I asked him to quit riding motorcycles because I didn’t want to outlive him, and he said Mom I don’t want to outlive you, it would not be good, I can’t make it without you. Three days later he was gone. So I guess we in a way had those talks, but wish we could have had more. But he is with me now…there is no doubt. I feel his presence around me, and I know I will again be with him in eternity…that makes it so much easier. You will be in my thoughts and prayers in the coming days and weeks. Jo