You may have imagined me and Andrew bawling our eyes out since last night we found out M.D. Anderson may have nothing left to offer us and yes we have shed some tears, but if I can be completely honest with you in some way I feel more at peace now then I have in a while. Mainly because Andrew took the news so incredibly well that his being at peace brought me peace. Secondly, I still hold out hope for some new treatment to come along although I’ve been slowly embracing the reality of his possible death. Thirdly, I feel supernaturally covered in God’s grace. I trust that He has a bigger plan for our lives then I could have ever imagined.
I want to commit whatever time Andrew has left to helping him accomplish his dreams. I’m honored to be his partner in life and to help him get out his message to the world. We have some great ideas about videos, gifts and other special things we want to put together for Ellie. I want to spend time with Andrew learning his views about raising Ellie on the issues of academics, faith, dating, sports , etc. I want to feel like I know what he would want for her, so that when I have to make these decisions I will know his wishes.
I also want to laugh my badonka donk off with him. Already today he’s been laughing at my crazy made up dance moves (amazing facial expressions included), my love for celebrity gossip and just the funny things that come out of his mouth due to lots of pain medicine. He laughed at me this morning because I saw the back of a man at the hospital that looked just like Andrew (baldheaded and in a hospital gown) walking laps with a nurse. I planned to jump out and scare him on his second lap, good thing the man turned the corner and I caught a profile shot because it was for sure not my husband. Just ridiculous stuff like that. I’m honestly in a place of trying to soak up every moment I have and try and make the most of it.
I don’t want to act like he’s dead when he is still fully alive. I want to be present and have as few regrets as possible. I want to soak up his genius, his love and his heart. Sometimes I get upset thinking about the tragedy that he has so much to offer the world, yet his life will possibly be cut short. With that said, I truly believe that what you focus on expands and I choose to focus on the wonderful gifts he has already given to the world and the incredible life he continues to live.
I am forever changed for the better because of what Andrew’s life has taught me and hopefully I can take what I’ve learned from him and make someone else’s life better. We still have a long road to travel full of ups and downs, but at the moment I’m full of love and peace. Blessings.
If you have any creative idea’s of special things Andrew can do for Ellie please leave a comment below. I would love to read them 🙂 Also we just found out Andrew’s book is going to be available on Barnes and Nobles!! You can pre-order here. It comes out August 1, 2013.
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-gray-faith-andrew-b-heard/1115966874?ean=9780988396289
Such sweet words you write! You are a great wife! God will honor that. Blessings from Dallas!
I cant wait to read Andrew’s book! I know it will be full of wisdom. I continue to pray God’s overwhelming peace over you & His miracles to be made known through Andrew’s abundant life. Your journey continues to challenge me as a wife and mother. Thank you letting us in and reminding us to live & love today! Blessings Bailey!
I am truly inspired by your steadfast faith and love. You will all be in our prayers as we hold out hope for yet another miracle!
I think something he could leave Ellie would be a letter(s) of whatever he would want to write. Whether he wants to offer advice on life’s struggles or just write ‘I love you’ continuously until he runs out of paper. That is something she can always have of him that truly comes from the heart and from him.
Also, I want to commend the both of you. Andrew for fighting so hard and not giving up. Secondly, to Bailey for being by his side every step of the way. I love the idea that you want to know everything of what he would want for Ella. That is so important and I think that is a GREAT idea! Ya’ll definitely show how strong you are and until the time comes, I agree to continue to live to your fullest abilities!!
Audio recordings of Andrew sending a special message to Ellie for each of her birthdays. No video, just voice so she can see in her minds eye her Dad in good health as she cherishes pictures of him before he got sick. Save other things that will have meaning when she gets much older like Andrew’s watch, a favorite ball cap, his favorite bible. Keep resting in the beautiful peace God has blessed you with.
Andrew can design a necklace like him being in the middle with his arms around you and elle thay way she always has something around her neck not only because he designed it but represents yall 3 will always be as one.
He give her a keepsake box or time capsule box when she turns 18she can open it and there will be a nice letter picture of the two of them and whatever else yall can think of that would touch her heart even more at 18yrs or you can give it to her on her wedding day.
I love reading your updates as well as Andrew’s. Something he could do for Ellie is write her letters for the big events in her life (day she gives her life to The Lord, her first date, graduation, night of engagement, day of wedding, etc). I know my Dad’s thoughts and advice meant the world to me on some of those days.
I’d recommend writing a dating contract that you, in Andrew’s absence, can have any young man who would like to date Ellie, read, discuss, and sign. I’m sure Andrew will have plenty of ideas on the contents of this dating contract.
Bailey I love your enthusiasm and love of life!!! They have teddy bears that you can record stories in your own voice, so she can hear him tell her a story every time she wants to hear her dad, it’s a great idea, they get to cuddle up and listen to a story. I think he should tell her about milestones of what is important to him. She will want to know what his first date was like? And was he nervous? Things like that, think of things you think she would ask him, things you asked your dad, they have books that make it easy at the hallmark store. You just fill in the blanks. Have a beautifully fun day!
Bailey, I read every post you write and my heart breaks every time! But I look up to you both in so many ways! Yall are truly inspiring and I cannot wait to read Andrews book. I bet Ellie would love letters for big events, her first day at kindergarden, first date, off to high school and college) maybe a letter for her future husband from Andrew, also just a voice recording of something, there is nothing like the sound of someones voice. Those are things I know I would have treasured dearly! Love you Bailey!
Bailey, you are truly a gifted writer. It is one thing to hear a message and quite another thing to feel a message. I feel your words. As a young boy I lost my mom to breast cancer. One of my most treasured gifts is a poem my mom wrote for me. I have it to this day in her original handwriting. I photocopied this poem and gave it to my kids when they turned 13. Although they never met her they have her words that she gifted to me. Praying God’s blessings on you today and always.
We are praying that God will give you and Andrew sweet precious moments together in whatever time HE has set for Andrew. Thank you for sharing your honesty from the heart through your blog. Both of you inspire us to daily look for God’s blessings in simple yet profound ways. May God pour out to overflowing HIS love and grace on you, Andrew and Ellie.
So glad to hear you and Andrew are being covered with peace. Our family keeps your family in prayers throughout the day. You are truly an inspiration. Love hearing you are keeping humor in your daily lives. With todays technology Ellie will be able to hear and see Andrews wisdom through video/pictures/letters. What a blessing that will be for her to receive videos/letters throughout her life (birthdays, wedding, high school graduation, first child, etc. with Andrews wisdom. Praying for the continual peace and laughter.
I dont know you personally but my husband went to hs with andrew so we have kept up with your story. I lost my dad to cancer at 14 and one of the neatest things done for me was a scrapbook of stories people wrote to me telling me stories about my dad. A friend of his put it together. It is something I treasure because I am able to see what others saw in him and what a blessing he was to so many. I also have a quilt made from some of his favorite shirts! Your family is in our prayers and we applaud your faith in HIS plan! HE will bless you all in ways you never imagined! 🙂
I was thinking…what about a video for any guy wanting to date her from Andrew himself? What he wants for her, what the guy needs to be doing/believing/knowing…etc? Just the thought made me smile!
Recording her favorite stories so she can hear Andrews voice. I think it would be cool to have a recording of his advice about dating, another recording of him sharing Jesus with her in a simple personal way, a recording to be played on the day of her wedding telling her how he dreamed of that day and the hopes he would have for her based on the experiences the two of you have had.
Prayers of blessings for peace, comfort, joy and God embracing love.
Please forgive me for I have only just read short updates on Andrew of what was on Facebook from a friend if a friend. The strength you both have shown is incredible, to say the least. The love you both have is immense and beautiful. If I may, I have an idea . Often times we take handprints of our young children to remember them by , why not take Andrews hand prints for your child to have? Just so she can remember or know that her daddy’s hands are always close by and she can always put her hand in her daddys. Maybe its a silly idea to some, but I think it’s pretty neat. I hope you like it.
Make a memory quilt and give it to her on her 16th birthday.
Bailey! I seriously love both of you! 😀 Okay so, I’m sure you have thought of this BUT! My dad, before he died, had started doing this Letters From Dad thing at his church: https://www.graceproductscorp.com/lettersfromdad/index.php?cPath=22
Consequently, I have a letter that he wrote me on my wedding day, my brother has one from his 15th birthday and the night before he died he had started one to my mom. A written letter of blessing has so much power! If I can encourage him to do anything, it’s to write Ellie letters for the big and small occasions in her life: going to preschool, Kindergarten graduation, first period (gasp!), first heartbreak, trying to pick a college, graduation, engagement, wedding day, when SHE has HER first baby, etc. He has all the wisdom he needs to be her dad and to give her a blessing for ANY time in her life. *hugs*
Bailey, I am so touched by what God is doing through you and Andrew. I know you’ve experienced pain and adversity, yet your faith and perseverance will bring others closer to God. My Mom passed this year, and I knew my greatest inheritance was the character my family had passed down through the generations. I was given my Mom’s Bible that was marked throughout with special versus, prayers, and affirmations for me and my sisters. To read this and know how much your parent loved God and loved you is an unmeasurable gift. My Oma did the same with her Bible, and although I don’t know the length of my life, I am doing the same. Your blogs and Andrew’s book will be a treasure for your daughter. To write or record personal affirmations for her will be an unmeasurable gift. Love, Daphne Zollinger 🙂
First off, I wanted to say that you and Andrew are an encouragement and blessing. Thank you for sharing your journey and testimony throughout this time difficult time.
One of the comments above mentioned audio recordings. If Ellie has any favorite songs Andrew sings to her or even just of him singing Happy Birthday I’m sure she’d cherish. I have a stuff animal that has a recording of my dad singing Happy Birthday. Just an idea.
I think a collection of memories that Andrew has of his time with Ellie would be great. He can write about special/silly things they do together & just the time they spend with one another.
Bailey, I don’t know you, but I did know Andrew in high school. He was a bit younger than me, so I can’t say that I knew him well, but I do remember the impression of his sweet spirit, so wise and pure. Through the community that is Cuero, plus facebook, and all the rest, I have had the honor of following yours and Andrew’s story. I can not adequately share how much I admire both yours and Andrew’s courage and faith on this journey. I am so glad that God has graced you, during this time, with HIs peace, which surpasses all understanding.
In addition, I wanted to mention something I did right after my mother died suddenly in 2006. In the sudden aftermath of her death, I realized that never meet my children (who by the way weren’t born yet!) and asked that those who knew her write down their best memories of her for her grandchildren to read later. I got some of the most beautiful, funny stories ranging all the way from her childhood and being told by such a variety of friends, family and even people she didn’t know that well. It is amazing how one person can be so many things to so many people. It’s a wonderful life indeed! There were many things I suspect I would never have known about mom without the request. In addition, the stories were so fresh and raw and untouched by time. It is something I am very glad to have done.
I also think that during a time of loss, people often want to be available to you, and it can be difficult to even know what to ask for. I thought these stories provided an outlet in a way for so many who were grieving. Considering how many lives Andrew has touched, I think it would be wonderful for Ellie to hear about her dad in such a way.
Sending love, prayers, peace and admiration for you, Andrew and little miss Ellie
And, congratulations on the book;)!
Sincerely,
Amanda Taulbee Gamble
GOD has blessed you both with EACH OTHER! We NEVER know how long we have with the ones that we love & so we can ONLY love them & enjoy them while we HAVE THEM! Maybe lots of video recordings of you both talking about those subjects you want to discuss with Ellie. The way you two discuss sounds fun & laughing through it might help Ellie a lot more. So that she can see the love & emotions you both share about her future. You & Andrew keep me inspired with GODS unconditional love & grace. Praying for Andrew’s comfort & peace & your continued strength for your dear husband & your precious daughter!
Love my son for as many days as he has. i know he loves you. Me too.
Maybe a bucket list he’d like Ellie to experience? The big and even small things. Don’t know really what to say. My heart aches for you and your family. But having his words and thoughts in the form of a book is already an incredible gift. You and your family are in my prayers.
I would think letters that your daughter can cherish forever and maybe a video of Andrew and what he wants for his little girl. Both of those, I know, would be precious to me. God bless you and your family!
Bailey,
You have always been such an encouragement to me and continue to be even later in life. In high school I was inspired by your passion for The Lord, and even now the joy that exudes from you continues to amaze me. I will continue to pray for you both. Thank you, to you and to Andrew, for being an inspiration even in times such as these.
A really great idea that will make Ellie feel like he’s always with her is to make a video of him talking to her for her to watch on every birthday with advice, hopes, dreams, memories of his own at that particular age, maybe stuff he wanted to teach her that year, and to let her know hes proud of her and etc. that way he knows that he had a special part in her growing up. And maybe on her 18th give her something with the video like have him in the video holding something really special to him and have him say hes giving it to her to put on her bouquet for her wedding day so she will have a piece of him and he can still walk her down the aisle .Also, u can even mail everything to ur own house each year for when she’s younger of course if will seem like its from heaven 😉 God Bless and good luck my prayers are with u all. Y’all are both truly inspiring. God is looking down on both of you with so much pride.
Great ideas, Jade!! 🙂
Hi Bailey – I was a teacher at CHS when our handsome QB was a student/athlete there. I took pictures of all the guys, band, cheerleaders, etc. I just happen to be decluttering last week and came across them. The best picture I took in the few years I was on the sidelines was of Andrew. I haven’t found it yet but I’ve found others. I am creating a website for you all and all his friends from CHS to go to and view. I’ll be sending out a msg of the link as soon as I get all the powerpoints uploaded. Please tell Andrew I have a whole army of people praying for you all – from all over the country, as I’m sure many others do too. Love, love, love that kid-they will always be kids to me. <3
Hi Bailey!! This is Chandler Gobin, I was one of Andrew’s students while he was at PCBC preaching for the youth!! My oh my, what an impact he had on all of us! His teaching was different and powerful, and it inspired my friends and I as well. I still remember that day when y’all did a series about the Twilight franchise in the Sanctuary at night, it was so cool!! I was sitting on the front row, and you were braiding my hair, no one ever does that! Honestly, your acts of kindness and generosity have greatly impacted my life and many others as well. I hope you know how much God is smiling and how proud He is of you and Andrew, I’m so happy you’re feeling His peace right now!!
I just hope you know how much y’all have meant to me throughout my life and I pray that this situation will get better. You are amazing. Simply amazing.
In awe,
Chandler Gobin
Bailey, I hate that this is something that you two have to even consider, but as parents we have to plan for better or for worse. I had a friend that went thru the same thing, she told me at least she had time to leave important memories and future moments , where many do not have that opportunity. She left a ring for her daughters 16th birthday with a letter about what a turning point in her life that would be. She has not reached 16 yet but I know what an impact it will be. I pray that instead of this being a gift left from her dad , he will be there to place the ring on her finger ( a dads ring ) God bless you and your family .
Dear Bailey, I know and understand first hand what you are going through. I lost my husband to cancer a little over eight years ago. Our children where a bit older than your daughter and each had an opportunity to visit privately with their dad, however he also wrote a letter to each one. I placed the original letters in a safe deposit box at our bank so that they would always be safe. I placed a copy of each letter in a picture frame behind a favorite picture of each child with their dad. These sit on the night stand in each child room and they often open the frame and read their letter. I also had a quilt made with my husbands shirts. Each quilt was specific for each child. I still had the scrubs my husband wore the day my children were born and included these in the quilt. My children find great comfort in their quilts. One last idea would be for Andrew to give your daughter a large / tall jewelry box and leave her a handwritten written message on the back. He could write something to the effect that during her life as she fills the box with precious jewels for her to always remember she is the precious jewel of his life. I know you are a woman of strong faith and that will give you comfort in the days to come. I too leaned on my faith to help me and I also found myself reading everything I could get my hands on. Two books I found very helpful were How to Keep Your Kids A Float When you are Drowning (Cindy Lamb Curry) and A Room of Marvels. Lifting the medical staff, your family, Andrew, and you in prayer.
What a blessing and encouragement it is to see the peace and faith you have in The Lord. Bailey, y’all are such a testament to truly resting in The Lord! Praying for y’all daily. A friend of mine had her husbands thumb print made into a silver played necklace for she and their kids before he passed away. They all wear it and have a sweet reminder of their daddy. Obviously as many videos and letters as y’all can make her will be great! Praying for yall
You will both be okay! As I was reading your message, God put something into my heart – he said he has already prepared you for this, and this is part of his plan for Bailey – she will grow up to make a huge difference in this world, maybe through medical research or something somehow to do with cancer, and you will be instrumental in guiding her. Andrew’s illness has a much greater impact for good than anyone can see right now. Continue to walk in faith and know everyone is lifting you up!
Sorry, I meant to say Ellie, above. 🙂
My parents are both gone now, but one thing they did before their death was record a simple message of love onto one of those Christmas ornaments from Hallmark. We open it each year and I love hearing their voices, their simple message, that one special message at Christmas each year. My kids love it as well. It makes the holiday seem like they are there with us. My heart goes out to you and Ellie – I know you will have many more blessings on this earth with Andrew!
One thing my son did while his father was batteling cancer was he took a handprint and framed it.. That handprint now hangs above his bed! Cancer Sucks!!
Dear Baily and Andrew,
My family and I have been reading your letters. We have been blessed by them. We are praying for you that The Lord will give you peace and strength beyond what you could imagine.
I asked my daughters for ideas for Ellie.
Here are a few:
Letters for Birthdays through age 18
Journal or bible with a letter written in it for HS and college graduation
Letter for her wedding and maybe a piece of jewelry for her to wear that you picked out.
Letter to her future husband.
List of all your favorite things, color, food, music, bible verses, sports teams, things to do, movies etc..
Stories about the two of you, how you met, fell in love etc…
Ok, I think we have given you enough homework for now. : )
You are in our prayers.
God Bless,
Connie,
Bailey,
I love that you almost jumped out and scared the wrong guy!! hahaha I laughed so hard at that, because I could just see you crouching, waiting to pounce… and then you’re like, “Oh my gosh that isn’t Andrew!” haha 😉 It’s so something that would happen to me. Silliness and goofiness are such beautiful things. 🙂
I am continually praying for you all! I won’t be on facebook for a long time, so I’ve followed your blog. That way I can keep updated and be praying for you and your precious family. 🙂
I love that you both are soaking it all in with each other… definitely a beautiful thing to do. 🙂 I wish I could meet Andrew. I almost feel like I have. 🙂
God bless you both so much!
Continually praying,
Mandy Morrison
Dear Bailey,
I am Donna, one of your dad’s cousins, and Lelia’s daughter. I live in Maryland and so I have seen you only a couple of times and met Andrew only once at the last reunion in Dallas. I remember being impressed with your poise, kindness, and ease with people even as a young girl, and a sense that there was something special about you and Andrew when I met you as a couple.
I have read Andrew’s blog and your site was shared with me recently on Facebook. The posts from both you and Andrew are extremely moving and inspirational. At a time when you are hurting so deeply, you give so much to others. I pray for Andrew, Ellie, and you frequently, and I know there are many others doing so as well. We cannot understand why, but God does not always answer our prayers. You are both wise enough to understand that and to thank God for the blessing of the time you have together and for the beautiful daughter you share. Many people live long lives but never experience a relationship with the closeness and depth of yours. Continue to cherish every moment together. I will continue to pray for you.
Love, Donna
I follow your blog by seeing it on Susans page. Please know you and your family are in my prayers daily. Reading your blog warms my heart with the love and strength your family shares.
Bailey,
This is more something YOU can do, but Andrew can have input. For each of my kids when they were going away to college, I made a treasure box – you contributed to one of them. I made a small index card size note for each day – some were decorated, some were just plain…some had spiritual messages, and some were just silly, others had specific memories, and yet others just had things I admired about them. Some were love stories about their dad and me. Some were just to remember to smile, splash in a puddle, or have fun that day. I wanted them to know how loved and blessed they were. And I didn’t want them to ever feel alone. You have so many things that Andrew has written and that you have experienced with her that you could write to her.
While a big majority of the notes were written by me (including favorite verses), I included other family and close friends or mentors and got a few from each.
When I gave them each the box, I told them to read them however they needed it – one each day for encouragement, or if some days they needed more to just put them in a pile and read them all.
I put them in no specific order, but mixed them all up in a pile and trusted that God would give them the message they needed for that specific day.
I’ve had the opportunity a few times to go back and read them myself, and it would be something the two of you can share as you will have to read them all to her for now. I know it impacted me greatly and made me so grateful for each of them as I put them together as well.
We love you, we are praying for you, and our hearts are breaking for you.
Tawnya
(P.S. Sorry is this is a repost – I don’t think it went through the firs time)
I think recordings of him reading some children’s books would be great in the short run and the long run. And, just in case she does not feel led/called/whatever to get married or have children, what about a letter for some other milestone like when she turns 21. Sometimes it is too intimidating to do EVERY birthday or every life event, so starting with the big ones might be easiest.
Also, sometimes voice recordings are better than video because it leaves a little to the imagination.
He should have a pep talk video for when she does date. Maybe even a small threat for the boys to watch 😉
Record some of his favorite things about her. And some of his personal favorite things.
I think Andrew should write a letter to your daughter on how he met and fell in love with you. Also, how its been being married to you. Not only would it be a wonderful way to give her an insight on how much her parents loved each other and to give her something to look for in her future relationships, but it will be a sweet reminder for you on how he truly felt/feels for you and about your relationship. God bless you both and your families!
Andrew and Bailey – I pray for you and your dear little Ellie that your weeks, days, and hours together will be supercharged with God’s blessings. As one of the most beautiful spirituals says, “And when I come to die… give me Jesus… You can have all the rest – give me Jesus.” You three are in our prayers. Love, Lee, Yvonne, Monica, and Melissa Lacy