Death and Life of a Dream

Lately, I’ve been reminded about the reality that when some dreams come to an end the birth of new dreams begin.  It’s been a little over two months since Andrew passed away and sometimes the more time passes the more real the loss of his presence in our lives.  With each new day I grow in love and appreciation for the person he was and the impact his life has had on mine.  In so many ways he challenged me and pushed me to grow into the person I was always supposed to be, but was terrified to become. 

When I was in college I had dreams of becoming the next Beth Moore. I visualized myself speaking to hundreds of women. I even applied to be her intern when I graduated, but apparently everyone else wanted to be her intern as well so she didn’t take internships at that time. I applied anyway! Then reality set in that speaking and writing was a scary world because people judge you and sometimes the harshest critics can be those in the church. I hated the idea of being judged on such a deep level.  I didn’t believe I could handle it so I retreated and suppressed my desire to lead in that way.  Over the years that dream has never died only shifted and transformed. I remember telling God that if he would give me the platform I would go share the story and share of His faithfulness. 

Little did I know, that the story God gave me would be such a painful experience.  This past week I had the opportunity to speak to the staff at Liberty Christian School in Argyle, TX about our story. It was an emotional experience because I went to high school there, taught and coached there (as did Andrew).  The LCS community has been so faithful to pray for, support and encourage our family through this hard season of life. Then on Friday night at the LCS homecoming game the staff awarded me the female alumnae of the year award at half time.  I felt so completely covered in love.

On Sunday I went to Park Cities Baptist Church in Highland Park, TX where Andrew was the High School minister for several years. I shared an update on how El and I were doing, gave a summary of Andrew’s book and then helped fulfill one of Andrew’s dreams which was to bring the published books to PCBC. The outpouring of love from the PCBC community was overwhelming. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to come back to a place that meant so much to both Andrew and I.

The life of a new dream is occurring and I am open and willing to go wherever our story may lead in hopes of inspiring and encouraging those going through difficult times. My dream has always been to connect with others in a way that inspires hope and challenges growth.    I don’t know all the details of what this will look like, but I don’t need to know I just move and I trust. It is good to be in the flow. I continue to trust that God has a plan for each of our lives and that whatever we go through has purpose and meaning and it involves helping others.  I wonder what you’ve gone through that you could share, encourage and help others with today. I know you have so much to give. Thank you for the gift of your presence in following mine and Ellie’s journey.  Love and Blessings.

Ellie Update:

Yesterday morning I was playing Pandora (Kari Jobe station) and Ellie wanted to dance. I got up to dance with her and she wanted me to leave a spot for Daddy. So we are holding hands in a circle with a space for Daddy and just dancing away. Then we took turns dancing with Daddy. Such a beautiful moment!