Get Up and Get Going!

(Andrew picked this quote out of many different quotes and kept this band around his wrist while he was battling cancer.)

Hi There!

I’m not going to lie; I’ve had a difficult time trying to write lately (hence, I haven’t written in over a month). This is my first rodeo with writer’s block. It seems that since the one-year mark of Andrew’s passing (July 26), the reality of my new life has begun to set in. I realized I’ve been running off adrenaline and shock the past year and now the dust is settling and I’m feeling a little down.

This past year, I felt so much purpose and focus on sharing about how Andrew’s courage and faith inspired my life. I’ve spent so much time telling people about A Gray Faith and the message that Andrew wanted to share with the world. All the while, dealing with being the executor of Andrew’s estate, medical bills, getting adjusted to living back in Dallas and being a single mom, my own counseling, and dating Rafael. Needless to say, I was in a little over my head. But, at the end of the day, I knew I wanted and needed to keep moving forward.

But even though I often get excited about new projects, often times I become completely paralyzed by fear when I realize the project will not be perfect by the time I launch. This pattern is one that I find myself in often and one that I think a lot of twenty-somethings can relate to. We have these great ideas and dreams, but when it comes to the grind and the details, fear grabs hold of us and we overanalyze and undervalue what we have to bring to the table. For example, over the past year sometimes when I would tell my story I was completely disconnected with the fact that I lost a husband and Ellie lost a dad. Then I would hear someone else’s story that was similar to mine and I would cry for them and my heart would just break. Here lately, though, for the first time I’m able to connect to my story and feel pain and realize that I went through something difficult and I have experiences that I can use to help others. Even then, I still catch myself thinking “what do I have to say that’s important enough to help someone else.”

I recently told my life coach that I was a little depressed that I was turning 30 in December and had nothing to show for it. She reminded me of the fact that my value doesn’t come from what I do, but in who I am. It was a good reminder because all to often I base my success on what I’ve have or haven’t accomplished career-wise and forget to think about all the experiences that have strengthened and sharpened me into who I am today. Don’t get me wrong, I never want to let go of my career dreams and goals, but I never want to lose sight of where my value comes from.

So, if you are like me and struggling to start something that you know you want to do but you don’t know if you have the self confidence to do it, the best and most difficult advice I can give you is to acknowledge your fears, put your analysis-by-paralysis aside and take action. This blog was mostly written to remind myself to keep going and hoping that you all will help hold me accountable to taking more action in my life and being of service to the world. Love and Blessings!

“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” – Churchill