The Early Years

If you’ve read Andrew’s blog posts you’ll know that in the heat of the moment I’ve thrown pizza, a remote control and a karate move at him.  I’ve used language I never thought I’d use.  I’ve infuriated him to the point of sleeping on the couch for practically the whole first year of marriage.  One time I upset him so badly that he locked me out of my own house.  I decided to do the one thing that would make him the maddest (which we said we would never do) I drove to my parents house to stay (where else was I supposed to go, he locked me out).  I told my parents we were in a fight and my dad text Andrew and told him “No take backs son.”  Pretty sure dad would kick me out of the family and keep Andrew if I’d decided I had enough.

I say all of this not to highlight my selfish behavior, but to encourage you that everyone struggles at different points in their lives (so don’t beat yourself up).   For me, it was early marriage and my twenties in particular.  Andrew seemed to bring out some of my worst qualities, which I later discovered were actually always inside of me.  Andrew was used to help me address those issues and work through a lot of insecurities.

Before I got married, I thought I was confident, secure and really didn’t have many problems.  That first year of marriage, I realized that below the surface there was a lot of selfishness, insecurity and unresolved conflict within myself.  I pretty much used Andrew as a punching bag to take it out on.  He is such a trooper.  I am so grateful he hung with me through the dark times and helped me to grow through my struggles.  I hope he would say the same of me, because Andrew has also been through some tough challenges during our marriage.  I tried to remember how kind he was to me (when I was at my lowest point) so that I could encourage him the way he encouraged me.

I truly believe our spouses are used to show us things about ourselves that we didn’t even know were there.  It is then our choice to address those issues and do the work or ignore it.  Personally, when issues come up inside of me that become clear, I can’t not do something about it.  I’ve learned it causes way more harm in the long run when I don’t address it.  Addressing the pain isn‘t usually a fun place to go, but when I get to the root of the issue the healing process can begin.  Committing myself to personal growth has made a significant difference in my life.

Not sure if you’ve been through a challenge or are currently going through anything difficult, but I want to acknowledge that everyone has challenges and you have the great opportunity to chose to learn from whatever your circumstances.  I think about that everyday as I watch my husband battle cancer at age 30.  We do have choices in how we respond to the hardship.  Are we going to blame the world for our struggles or are we going to take responsibility to allow our circumstances to make us a better person?  I can’t say it is an easy choice everyday, but it’s never easy to do the thing that will make the greatest difference in our lives.  I want to stand with you and commit to growing through our challenges, so that we can become all we were meant to be.  I love you deeply.  Blessings.