I have a lot to be grateful for! I’m reminded of that now more than ever. Why does it sometimes take tragic events in our lives to remind us what we do have? Five years ago, when I started feeling pretty low and lost, I picked up several self-help books that encouraged me to just be grateful. To be honest, during this time in my life I struggled to feel grateful and express gratitude. I didn’t know how to just make myself feel grateful. I did realize my need for gratitude and I truly thought it could make a positive difference in my life, but I wasn’t sure how to feel it. I tried writing in a journal everyday 5 things I was thankful for. That lasted about a week. I tried just reminding myself every so often to be grateful and let’s just say I kept forgetting to remind myself. It was a frustrating feeling knowing that I wanted to feel grateful but felt ungrateful.
As much as I tried to shift my focus to gratitude it always seemed to come back to myself and what I thought I needed. I can’t give you an exact formula for how to feel grateful (because if it actually exists,I’m not sure what it is). I know I tried many tips and techniques, but they didn’t seem to work.
So here’s what worked for me:
1. I recognized and acknowledgement that gratitude is an important quality that I did want to possess.
2. I quit forcing the issue. Feeling guilty about not feeling grateful isn’t going to get you anywhere.
3. I focused on expanding who I was and developing who I wanted to be. For example, I loved reading self-help books so I read a lot. I wanted to do some introspective work so I hired a life coach. I took control of the direction of my life. I gave myself time to evolve into more of who I wanted to become and to connect with who I already was. The closer I moved toward my bliss (as Joseph Campbell so eloquently says) the more gratitude came naturally.
I didn’t have to fight feeling thankful, it just flowed. The great part was that I was more grateful than I had ever been before. I noticed and appreciate way more people, things, ideas then I normally did. I can truly say that once gratitude became a consistent part of my life I began to see huge shifts in my growth. Being thankful changed me, my relationships and my life. When I notice gratitude in others I think it is the most beautiful quality and it draws me in. On the other hand I am completely turned off by ingratitude. It repels me like one of Ellie’s stinky diapers. Seeing ingratitude in others also is a good reminder of how much fun I must have been to be around when I was so unappreciative of my many blessings.
Recently, I was watching Oprah’s Soul Sunday and Marie Forleo (who I’ve talked about in a past blog post) was on describing how gratitude changes the lens through which we see life. I know that has been true for me. Even in Andrew’s illness I can see how being grateful completely changes my view-point on life. Being grateful makes me appreciate and notice all the small and seemingly insignificant details in life. Through gratitude I’ve gained perspective on life even when were going through something as crappy as cancer. I think gratitude will be most present for me this Thanksgiving as all of your love, support and prayers have filled my life with so much to be thankful for. How can I not be grateful? Hope you have a wonderful THANKSgiving! Blessings.
PS Special Thanks to Dan and Vicki Dunigan who are my relatives and started a fund for Andrew and I. Love you and we appreciate all you have done to help us!
http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/Andrew-Bailey-s-journey/25851
So saddened to read of Andrew’s death. I received his book last week and have re read several pages that have touched me. About John the Baptist, I have thought about this too. In Sunday School one Sunday as we discussed the death of our teacher who was in the school system and had gone under the knife 9 times at MD Anderson a man said that he thought God was not interested in our physical bodies, it is our souls that concern him. That has been what has helped me because I don’t pray for folks to be healed anymore, just that Christ will give them strength and peace. And that is what I wish for all of you as you mourn.