Last week was a breath of fresh air. My sweet dad came in from Dallas to drive Andrew to M.D. Anderson pretty much the entire week. This gave Ellie a normal schedule and me some alone time to get rejuvenated. When I was little I would play Barbie’s most of the day with friends and then I would peace out and go play for hours by myself. Not sure why I’m like this, but almost daily if I don’t get some time to myself I feel a little suffocated. I can’t tell you how good it felt to have some time to myself. I exercised, wrote, read books, caught up on urgent business and did a morning meditation.
My favorite moments last week happened with my little family. Andrew, Ellie and I were laying in the bed one night and Ellie decided she was going to be her daddy’s doctor so she pulled out a couple of baby wipes and placed them over Andrew’s arm. She then looked at us, clasped both her hands together and made sure we did the same. She then led us all in a prayer. “God, please make my daddy better. Amen.” Andrew’s eyes were filled with tears. My heart was filled with amazement that our two-year–old baby girl had so much faith. It was a beautiful moment I will never forget. I told Andrew that if God heard any one person’s prayers it would be Ellie Graces. Faith like a child.
Another amazing moment took me by surprise. Last week I had a call with my life coach and she reminded me how important it is to not just show Andrew how strong I can be (my masculine side), but to also show him my feminine side. I was trying to be strong to give Andrew a peace of mind that I could take care of Ellie and our finances if he passes away. It is also a natural defense mechanism that I’ve picked up along my life journey (didn’t realize it until this experience). In doing so, Andrew has interpreted my being strong for not caring about him. Because I don’t cry very much or let down my guard I was actually hurting him and not helping him.
What he needed was someone to just love him and nurture him. Once my coach brought this to my attention I realized that was exactly what I needed to do to connect with Andrew, but I wasn’t sure how to do it. I tried several times during the weekend, but it felt pushed and inauthentic. Finally, on Sunday out of the wild blue I started a difficult conversation with Andrew and just poured out my heart about how scared I was and how much I would miss him and we held each other and both cried for a long time. It was a pure authentic moment filled with so much love. Afterwards he told me that was exactly what he needed from me.
There have been so many lessons to learn throughout this whole process. Everyday I’m learning something new about myself and about others. I’m excited about a new opportunity to share my story and my thoughts with M.D Anderson’s site called cancerwise.com. I was asked to be a guest blogger for the site. The majority of the readers are people just like me going through similar experiences. I hope our story will give them hope and encouragement along their journey’s. I plan to share tips on how to work together as a family to help support your loved one dying from cancer and how to respect and acknowledge that each person deals with the loved one’s suffering in a different way. I will let you all know once it gets posted so that you can share it with your friends and loved ones going through cancer.
I want to remind you how much I love you and appreciate you reading my and Andrew’s blogs. Your love and support is what encourages us to keep fighting the good fight and trusting that God won’t give us more then we can handle. It is an honor to share my heart with you each week. Hugs and Blessings.
Incredible!
Sent from my iPhone
Thanks Sean!!!
Bailey, I don’t think you realize how your life lessons are helping and teaching so many others ! You are bringing your faith and God to others in such a real way . You will save souls with this blog. God bless you
Thanks so much Megan. You made my day 🙂
Thank you so much Megan for your encouragement! Your words mean everything to me because my intention is to bring faith, hope and encouragement to others through our story. Thank you so much for taking time to reach out and bless me. Blessings to you sweet Megan!
This is beautiful, Bailey. Thank you for being so open and transparent_ that takes a lot of courage. Relationships are complicated, but it sounds like you just took a major step forward in yours with Andrew_ praise God for the sensitivity of your life coach!
Thank you for the encouragement Judy. I’m so grateful to have so many wise women in my life that can teach me things about myself that I sometimes can’t see. I love you Judy!
Always love reading your blog – thank you for being brave enough to let us into your daily life. . . . . . again, I was so honored to finally get to meet the woman with the gorgeous smile Sunday. Blessings to you and your sweet family now and always!
Thanks so much Kerry! It was so wonderful meeting you. Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day to read our story and encourage us. Blessings sweet new friend 🙂
Bailey you have grown into such a wise woman! Your strength and faith has touched so many hearts. Continue to love and cherish every moment with your beautiful family! God Bless you all.
Thanks so much Nikki! You are my second mama and I’m so blessed to have you, Gary, Britt and Ash’s love and support in my life. Blessings.
Dear Bailey,
My friend today on facebook talked about Lazarus today, she was saying that God’s delays are not his denials and I thought of Andrew. I just want you to know I pray for his healing and pray for strength for you and for God just to lift you both up and carry you through this time of uncertainty.
I love reading your blog, you are such a true inspiration to everyone and the Heavenly Father just shines through your big beautiful smile and inspirational writing. You will be wonderful at writing on the blog for other families that are going through what you and Andrew are going through. You will help so many!!!
Thank you for blessing my life.
Love you,
Kathy
Kathy,
Thanks so much for sharing that beautiful message with me. Thank you so much for praying such specific prayers for our family. It truly blows my mind to think that you would take time out of your life to lift up our family in prayer. I’m so grateful for that. Thank you for your encouragement about the blog. It means so much to me because I pour my heart and soul into it and it’s been so healing for me to express our story in writing. The thought that our story could help someone else truly gives me purpose in going through this experience and keeping the faith. I really appreciate your kind and uplifting words. Blessings to you sweet Kathy!
Bailey-
I think I had sent a note to Andrew a while back, but wanted to let you know to PLEASE contact us if there is ANYTHING we can do to help while y’all are in the Houston area. Our church has been blessed to get to “know” you, Andrew and Ellie through George Gardev. If we can help with lodging, meals, transportation, a quiet place to visit, or anything, please give me a call. Blessings to you and your family. Cynthia Watts, Sugar Land Baptist Church
Cynthia, Thank you so much for your sweet offer to help our family. We will definitely keep this in mind throughout our many trips to Houston. You are so kind to reach out to us even though you don’t know us. That is extremely generous. Blessings to you and your family.
Hi Bailey, I pray that those sweet smiles will be around for a long time. I sure miss seeing y’all . I hope to be over with a surprise one day this week. Loved reading your blog it was really touching & heart felt. Just keep giving those big Hugs & glowing smiles I know they will make Andrew feel good to . My thoughts & prayers are with y’all all day long. love Pat
Pat, You have been our angel. I mean it. We love you so much and appreciate everything you’ve done to bless our family. Thank you for being a constant source encouragement and love. It was so good to see you tonight. Blessings.