Hi Friends,
It’s taken me a few days to be able to write because I’ve had a lot to process. You’ve probably read Andrew’s blog already www.andrewbheard.com , but if you haven’t I’ll give a quick recap. On Monday Andrew came home from radiation and pulled me onto his lap. He proceeded to tell me that his brain scan came back with three tumors (one tumor being quite large). He told me that the doctors are going to try and radiate the tumors in his brain, but if it didn’t work he had 3-6 months to live. How do you even begin to process something like this? I mean I never pictured being a 28 year old widow with a two year old baby. I never imagined I’d only get 5 years with the love of my life. I never imagined my baby girl would grow up without her daddy to walk her down the aisle. Sometimes it’s too much to handle.
When Andrew first told me the news I went into complete shock. Throughout this whole process I’ve learned that I have this ability to separate myself from reality. I think it is a protective mechanism to keep me from getting hurt. It is kind of this false illusion that I’m strong when in reality I’m just able to block the pain temporarily. It took me until today to finally let the flood gates go. On the drive back from radiation Andrew shared with me how worried he was about how his parents would handle his death, he wanted me to promise that I would have either his dad or mine walk Ellie down the aisle, he told me how he wanted me to be happy and that I had his blessing to remarry. We both just bawled our eyes out for an hour and a half driving back from M.D Anderson. I just couldn’t believe we were having to talk about these things.
What makes me so sad for Andrew is that he may have to miss out on experiencing life with Ellie. As a mother my greatest fear is dying and missing out on life with her and not being there to protect her. Andrew has expressed that Ellie is what makes going through cancer so difficult. It makes me sad for Ellie that her dad may not be there to teach her all the wonderful things he has taught me. Andrew’s taught me how to think for myself. To not just take what people say at face value but to listen, process, ask good questions and develop my own belief system. This one lesson has changed my life and I will never be the same. What made me want to marry Andrew was his ability to stretch and challenge me in every area of my life. He was always making me better by believing in me and pushing me to grow beyond my limiting beliefs. He is my best friend and I can’t imagine not having him by my side.
Regardless of what happens, I’m confident of where Andrew will be and that one day I will get to see him again. He makes me long for Heaven in a new way. Honestly, I was always a little afraid of the death process, but something about Andrew going before me and facing death creates a fearlessness inside of me. There are going to be really hard days ahead and I’m sure I will need a great counselor to help me through, but I know El and I are going to be ok and that God has a plan for our lives. He hasn’t forgotten about us and He will take care of us and mend our broken hearts. Until then, I continue to pray for a miracle and hope for the best! Thank you for being my strength and my encouragement when the days are hard. Your love carries me through. Blessings.
http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/andrew-bailey-s-journey/25851
You are a true inspiration! My name is Tuffy I am chase graves aunt and I know that Andrew means the world to him I will pray for you and your family daily! I am so sorry that you are going thru this but just know that god has a plan for us all.
Bailey,
There’s not much I can say as this whole situation has humbled me beyond belief. But more that anything, I admire your strength and only hope that I can hereafter face such uncertain circumstances with the same grace and “Thy will be done” attitude that you’ve continually displayed. It has truly been a blessing! God is using you in incredible ways right now, as hard as it might be to distinguish. Thank you for your unwavering faith and for showing the rest of us what it is to completely rely on God’s plan for your life. Much love for you, Andrew, and Ellie.
I love you, Bailey!!!!
I have been there Bailey, with every numbing fear, sometimes to scared to breathe, , only it was my child instead of my husband. All I could process was that God is writing a story in our lives, that He is in control and that He loves me and my Drew. God did bring the miracle for my son and I pray that He is willing also to heal Andrew.
Bailey,
My heart breaks for you, Andrew, Ellie and the rest of the family. I so admire you and Andrew’s continual faith. You are both such awesome young adults of God. You both have made me look at things in a different light. My prayer is still that God will perform a miracle in Andrew. Our God is an Awesome God and He and only He knows why this is happening. May God Bestow His Richest Blessings upon all of you. Shalom and Shalom!!
My heart sank deep into my chest as I read your blog. Some friends of mine on FB were talking about your story & I went & found your blog.
See I am 28 & have been married almost 7 years to my husband. Of those 7 years I have been chronically suffering with endometriosis & now migraines that induce vertigo. My husband & I are actually traveling later on today to Rochester, MN to go to the Mayo Clinic.
But see what I have can’t kill me, it’s not cancer. I do have a death sentence, scripture is clear of that…but it’s not cancer. I also said I wish I knew what I was fighting against, like cancer, I can fight that.
I am praying for you here in Dallas, TX. Praying The Lord provides a miracle & you get more years with your husband. Praying you have the strength of God on your shoulders & you love your hubby the best you can! You could have 3-6 months or 60 years, may everyday be special for your family!
Bailey Heard, your post breaks my heart. As a parent we worry about dying and leaving our children behind. Although once we are in heaven we would never want to leave. I pray for you to feel The Lord holding you up as if you could not stand alone. Your shoulders cannot bear the weight that is on them without the God loving you, calming uou, whispering to you that you and El will be okay…trust only in Me. Although I don’t know you personally, I love how honest you are with your feelings and frustrations. I wish I could be more like that. But I pray for you all to keep having this hard, chest clenching, sobbing talks. When you are broken and have no protective wall, then you will say what your heart needs to say. You will speak to each other in a most loving tone that is the nearest to perfection, even while we are sinners. There is a urgency to talk about a lot things that need to be done for the days to come. Things as a couple you want be able to hold on to and share as a family. This might be silly family stories, what makes you love each other the most, Andrew to right a letter to the Godly husband El will have letting him know how much she means to him and some tips to staying married, even a note recorded in your name for he first day of school, beginning high school, graduation and so on. It will be a living piece of Andrew to share. And Andrew has said in his blog just LOVE. If you have 12 weeks spend them loving, if you have 12 years spend them loving AND when your MERICLES HAPPENS spend the time you having loving on anybody that will let you.
I pray with all that is in me for a miricle if that is what God’s will is!!! And either way let this you have be intimately yours again where all walls are down. Cry, hold each other tightly, speak from deap within your souls and mostly love on each other. Thank you for sharing your story, our family has been through this process a lot in past 11 years having lost a child and both of our dads. I truly don’t wish anyone to go through what have because having lost hard, i can physically feel your pain from my experiences but cannot relate to your exact situation. My heartfelt prayer is for a peace only God can give your entire family on both sides.
Your sister in Christ ~
Courtney Middleton – Sides
My heart sank reading your blog…mainly, b/c you are my age & dealing with this…
See I found your blog through a friend here in Dallas & they said they hated hearing your news…so I then found your blog.
See I am 28 & have been married almost 7 years, of those 7 years I have been sick most of them. From severe endometriosis to broken tailbone to now migraines that are inducing vertigo. Actually my husband & I leave today for the Mayo Clinic in MN to get these migraines figured out.
But see I can’t die from my illnesses, I do indeed have a death sentence, but I can’t die from what I have.
Praying that The Lord turns those 3-6 months into 60 years & that you can spend each day with your hubby & daughter fighting this with the Great Physician on your side.
Suffering is hard…really hard. Praying for daily peace to get through each day!
I am praying for a miracle God has made a big impact in y’all’s lives but its nothing he knows you can’t handle. I am so sorry to hear all of this new 🙁 keep faith strong God is in control
Dear Bailey,
I am praying for your family very much. My thoughts are with you right now.
God bless all of you. We love you and grieve with you. Aunt Carolyn
My heart breaks for you….I have walked this
Valley you are in. I know the pain and desperation of that diagnosis. My husband was 57 when he got that diagnosis, so my
Kids were grown and I had the benefit of their
Support. I will tell you, without Gods grace and mercy I could not have gotten through those days. God gave us four weeks to say goodbye. Take advantage of every day you have. Save the saddens for after he is gone.
Make videos of him, I cherish those. I will be praying for you. You will need a lot of that. Gods strength will see you through.
I’ve never met you, but I went to school with Andrew. I am so sorry for everything all of you have been going through. Please know that your family has been in our prayers and will continue to be. We live right outside of Cuero, but if you ever need anything, please let us know – we would be glad to help in any way. May God bring peace & healing to your dear family.
I read this today out of “Hope for a women’s heart”
Sometimes, Lord, my heart is too broken to be mended again. These are the times that I want to hide myself in a cocoon so nobody can come close to me.
In times like these, thank You for hearing the words I cannot utter and seeing the hurt I don’t want to admit. Thank You for holding me in Your tender hands and carrying me until my heart is once again ready to greet the world.
Thank You for being a Healer to broken hearted people and to me.
Sending Love and warm Hugs your way.
Praying for God’s comforting presence through every step ahead.
Bailey, Thank you for your testimony and being a faithful wife, mother, and servant of God. Below are some verses I shared with my church this morning; I pray they bring you and your family comfort and encouragement.
Yahweh’s (God’s) Words To Comfort And Encourage You
“Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.” Psalm 56:3
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
“He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” 1 John 4:4
“He has delivered us from the power of darkness and translated us into the Kingdom of the Son of His love.” Colossians 1:13
“For Yahweh/God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7
“Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 2:5
“The peace of Yahweh/God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in (your) weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
“Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, for Yahweh (the Lord your God) your Elohim is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
“Wait on Yahweh (the Lord); be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on Yahweh (the Lord).” Psalm 27:14
“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You…” Isaiah 26:3
“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1
“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you…Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” John 14:27
“Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells (tabernacles) in you?” 1 Corinthians 3:16
“Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been proved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.” James 1:12
“He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son.” Revelation 21:7
“And lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:20
let me hear from you if you’d like this in a .pdf or Word file.
may God’s Word speak to you above all else today!
your pastor and friend,
Chip
revelation ministries of marion
we make disciples.
Bailey, I have prayed for you from the beginning of this journey and continue to. I pray specifically for peace and for capturing memories….your blog will be a blessing to Ellie as she grows up.
She is blessed to have you as parents. All my love,
Betty Black
SMB Enterprises, Inc
“We Finish the Job”
O-940-383-2370
C-940-367-1920
F-940-243-2333
I don’t know either of u personally, but I’m sending out prayers to u guys. I’m originally frm Cuero so I feel we’re all fam! Keep the faith & God will guide u all thru! Stay strong for He will not take u thru anything u cannot bear!
Much love,
Keysha Nichols
Bailey
I don’t know you, but I went to Baylor, and seeing as we have many of the same friends on facebook, I have a feeling we were there at similar times! So I saw this as a link that Laura McCall shared.
Anyway, I briefly read your story and was brought to tears. I am so sorry and am praying for you and your beautiful family. I was challenged by your perspective through this process. You are a strong woman of God – I don’t know you and I can tell that you are just from how you are handling this situation. You are viewing things from God’s perspective, which is so difficult. I am challenged by your faith, trust, and steadfastness.
We will continue to pray for your family. God is the worker of miracles and we will continue to pray for a miracle, but also, that no matter what happens, that God will be glorified.
Courtney
Bailey, words cannot express how very sorry we are about Andrew and all that y’all are going through. Please know we are right there with you in praying for this miracle!
Bailey, Andrew & Ellie~
We are heartbroken by the news but confident in our God who heals! Praying for God to heal Andrew fully!
Last night we sang this song at church and I was praying that y’all would know so deeply that His “love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on you.” It is “higher than the mountains that we face” … and most definitely “stronger than the power of the grave.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xY7OtDJLWlg
Thank you for updating.
Love y’all,
Lori
Bailey, my heart is breaking for you and Andrew as you are trying to deal with the latest report. Even though my children are grown, it’s hard to imagine not being here to see them in the various stages of their life so it’s got to be that much more difficult for Andrew to miss the important events in Ellie’s life. The only thing I can say is that I continue to pray for both of you for the peace that only God can give and the courage that you will need in the days to come. We all know that God can and does work miracles and that sometimes He chooses not to for reasons only He knows. The one thing we can’t forget is that He loves both of you more than our human brains can comprehend and only He knows the outcome of all this. So just hold on to that thought and that He will be there in the darkest moments.
Sweet Bailey,
When I read your FB post yesterday, I felt numb inside. I thought about both of you going on without Andrew. I ache for you, and have been asking God “why” a lot since then. It reminds me of my brothers death. It just seemed wrong, unbearably sad and unfair. After being afraid, sorrowful, numb, angry and mournful, I realized that the lyrics of “whom have I in heaven but thee” were true, when it said “my flesh and my heart fails me, but God is the strength of my life and my portion forever.” I think this is when faith steps in. I wish I had answers for you, but I don’t. But I know that the Lord does, and he will carry all of you through this time.
I am praying for the very best God has for you, Andrew and Ellie. Savor each moment.
Love,
Beverly
Oh Bailey. My heart breaks for you dear girl. May God’s supernatural strength carry you through whatever lies ahead. A miracle is still in my prayers for your sweet family.
Blessings, Elizabeth Vinson
Bailey,
I know we haven’t seen each other in a long time and have unfortunately never been close friends, but please know that I really care about you and your family. I have been praying for you all and will continue to. I will not cease praying for a miracle every single day. I will also not cease praying for you all no matter what happens. I will also not cease praying that God will guide you through the grieving process. It is a crazy process that I know all too well (but in a different way) so it makes me long to pray for you even more so.
Your honesty is beautiful. You have always been so beautiful and continue to be so beautiful.
I love you, girl.
Praying for you every day,
Mandy Morrison
Bailey
You, Andrew & Ellie are in my thoughts and prayers every day! I pray that you receive a miracle. May God bless your family with lots of good days together!
Judy Tedder
My heart is hurting along side with yours, although, I cannot imagine what your family is going thru. I have hope because God promised is this I’m the scriptures, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future”