These days you will find me (actually you wont because I’ve pretty much become a hermit since last week) wearing no makeup ( mostly because I could cry at the drop of a hat and because these days brushing my teeth is a huge accomplishment) and buried in financial statements. To say math has never been a strength would be an understatement. I’m getting a crash course in finance 101 (which by the way I made my one and only D in college in finance, my professor actually pulled me aside to make sure I understood I had no future in the finance industry, I concur). With all the bad news lately I’ve had to put my big girl pants on, suck up my insecurities about feeling stupid in math and get my finances in order. It is defiantly a process, but this is a part of my new life, learning how to be self-sufficient in case I need to be.
Last week we received a small ray of hope from one of our doctors. We met with a neurosurgeon and she told us that the tumor in Andrew’s brain was actually one centimeter instead of three centimeters and that the doctors weren’t sure the other 3 spots in his brain were tumors. One radiologist thought Andrew had cancer in the fluid of his spine, but the neurosurgeon told us this defiantly wasn’t the case (whew). Andrew ended up being a candidate for gamma knife surgery (it’s very star treky) basically 200 beams of radiation shoot into the tumor in his brain (it is a one time treatment). The other option was brain surgery, which is extremely invasive and could have some pretty bad long term affects. We were really excited to hear that he was a candidate for the gamma knife! He should undergo the surgery in a couple of weeks. We have to meet with another neurosurgeon and then we will get the green light to set up the surgery.
It feels like our world has changed overnight. Andrew has been really really sick over the last week. He has been throwing up a lot and sleeping all day. It’s blown me away how one minute he was doing fine and then all the sudden he is practically sick everyday. The stress level is at a 10 in our family at this point. As a mom and wife, my biggest challenge has been where to spend my time. I have a daughter that is going through the terrible twos (and is extremely clingy to me), finances to get in order, a house to maintain and a husband that needs my attention. You may think this is easy, drop everything and focus on your husband, but it’s not that simple. By the end of the day, I feel like I have nothing left to give. By the time I put Ellie down for bed I’m anxious to go to sleep, which is usually when Andrew is up and wants my attention. Some nights I feel depleted and regretfully just go straight to bed.
I’m working on figuring out how to balance it all, to not worry about some of the things, yet be responsible. It’s not an easy balance and I know I don’t want any regrets, but I’m not always sure how to navigate these waters (especially when I feel emotionally and physically exhausted). I have found some respite in reading biographies. I read about three books a week (mostly by audio since we have such long drives to Houston and back) and it’s been a great escape and fulfills the dreamer in me. Life kind of gets put on hold when something like cancer happens in your life, but allowing myself to dream (even when I can’t imagine what my life might be like) has given me such hope.
I’m far from perfect and everyday is a new challenge in figuring out how to take care of my family and not have regrets, but I’m willing to open my heart to change and growth each day in order to become my best self for me and for the ones I love. The whole experience is definitely taking it’s toll. I’m constantly reminding myself to put everything into perspective and to challenge myself to love and give more then I think I’m able to give. This way no matter what happens I won’t have any regrets. Thank you for giving me a therapy session (I really needed it). Hope you know how much I love and appreciate you! Hope you have a sweet Valentines day! Make sure and tell everyone you love how much they mean to you! Blessings.
http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/andrew-bailey-s-journey/25851
Hi, I am so intreged by the story of both of you and your beautiful daughter. I have recently gone through what you are going through with a very dear friend. He went through all of the above and the gamma knife was very successful. I’m praying that Andrew will be a successful story, as well. Hang
in there Bailey and God will show ya”ll the way. Peace…and Happy Valentine’s Day to you both, make it memorable.
Bailey,
Thank you for sharing from your heart. I know you are having to wear a lot of “hats” these days and it can be overwhelming. I would love to bring your family a meal, run errands for you, clean your house..just name it and I’d be more than happy to help. I know when my husband had his skull/brain injury 5 years ago it was such a help (and humbling experience to get or ask for help rather than give it). Just to know that others were lifting us up, as we are you and Andrew, before the throne of God in love and prayers was such a source of strength and comfort. Know that although some days it may seem you are going this trial alone, that you are never alone. Christ will never leave you, the Holy Spirit will guide, help and protect you, and God is in control even when all else seems reeling out of control… My love, thoughts, & prayers are with all of you.
I’ll message you an FB with my number or you can messgaeg me when you’re ready & needing a helping hand. PS … I’m a math hater, too, but YOU CAN DO IT! 🙂
Tina Bryant
I’m here by a Facebook link from a friend of a friend, and I just wanted to say I’m so sorry for your current situation. My mom recently had small cell lung cancer that metastasized into her brain and spinal fluid (Leptomeningeal Carcinomatosis). She received treatment in Dallas, but her neurologist was in Houston, so we trekked back and forth. I was her care partner and a medical decision maker, and she lived with us during her final weeks. It was nearly unbearable taking care of her, being mom to many littles, keeping up with the house and life and health and meals and phone calls to doctors who were virtually impossible to reach. This is a journey I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but God is faithful. Please know that even though we’re strangers, I will be on my face before Him pleading for you. I am extraordinarily sorry.
Bailey,
I live nearby in Weesatche and I have known Andrew since he was a little boy. I have walked your path. God took care of me all the way, although I was weak. Doctors know so much more today than they did many years ago. But even then God gave us far more than doctors would have ever believed possible. I would love to meet you if at all possible. My God is big enough to do anything.
You are always in my prayers. You are strong Bailey with the strength of Christ our Lord. He is with you, loves you and fully understands how you feel. Draw close to Him daily and He will fill you with all that you need moment by moment. I love you!
Bailey,
You are an AMAZING young wife and mother! The marithon of life that you and Andrew are living is extreme, and yet look how very close this has brought you. I admire your strength and courage to face every moment of each day, which is a GREAT gift from God. God did give us “Free Will” and you have chosen to use it in the most productive way possible, supporting and caring for your husband and daughter. I’ve read several of Andrew’s blogs with “shock and awe”! I couldn’t believe that someone as kind and loving could be terrorized by cancer! He is an amazing courageous young man, and God found a wondeful, amazing young lady to be by his side. He blessed both of you with a beautiful baby, who is a wonderful testiment of your love, strength and faith! You and Andrew are a testament of what a true marriage should be, and too often most of us take this for granted. God bless you for your support to both Andrew and your daughter and all of your family and friends! We continue to pray for you and your family.