At the end of last week I had a miniature breakdown. I’ve always been a people-pleaser sometimes to the detriment of not pleasing myself. I never want anyone to feel awkward or out-of-place, so I make it my duty to put people at ease. I’m learning in life that we can’t please everyone and we will drive ourselves nuts trying to. I’m also learning that if we don’t dictate the direction of our lives someone else will. I’m not cool with that.
I had an instance last week when I was in a coffee shop and got approached about a business venture. Knowing from the beginning I wasn’t interested I listened to the man’s pitch. I didn’t want to be rude so I thought the best thing was to be polite and listen to what he had to say. The longer the conversation went the more anger was rising in my chest. I wasn’t necessarily angry at the man (I was more so annoyed), but I was angry with myself. For the first time, I realized that by saying yes to spending time listening to his sales pitch (in which I had no interest at all) I was saying no to developing my coaching business and no to spending time with my family.
I was mad at myself for not saying what I wanted to say, which was I am busy and not interested. Instead I listened to the speech for a long time and left feeling guilty that I wasted valuable time. This is only one instance, but things like this happen all the time. I feel that my growth comes from learning to be bold and say what I need to say for myself and for my family. It may feel uncomfortable and awkward, but it’s necessary.
Now more than ever time seems extremely valuable to me, maybe it’s because I don’t know how long I might have with Andrew. I don’t want to waste my life doing what everyone else thinks I need to be doing. I want to live the life I know I was meant to live. I want to be aligned heart, soul and mind with my genuine passions and gifts. I’ve had to learn to stop asking for permission to live my life. I have to believe I am capable of making great decisions. I also have to be ok with making mistakes and learning from them.
Not sure if people pleasing is a struggle for you like it is for me, but I want to encourage you that as hard as it seems to be direct the other side of the coin is that you find your voice and are aligned with your true wants and needs. That is one of the best feelings there is. To be fearlessly you in all of your likes and dislikes just the way you are. I’m finding such liberation in just being me! I love you and encourage you to get in tune with your inner voice and what you truly desire. Blessings.
Our sermon at church last week was on this very topic! So hard for me to say no at times…but this reinforces that it is ok! You can listen here:http://vimeo.com/55308758
I can SO COMPLETELY relate to this Bailey. Sometimes I make myself sick over people pleasing, worrying over someone being rude to me while I’m trying to figure out what I did wrong the whole time. Most of the time it doesn’t have anything to do with me! I also willingly sacrifice my time and emotions for other people that do not have my best interests at heart. You’re right, it is our responsibility to know its okay to do what’s best for us and say no to people. I feel like your words reflected what is often echoed in my head. I’m willing to consciously work on changing my thought process!
Beautiful Bay! I am always encouraged and challenged by your honesty! Thank you! May we live not for “the eye service of man, as man-pleasers, but out a singleness of heart, fearing God” Col. 3. I love you, Bay! Thank you for living and loving with passion!
Bailey I LOVE this soo much. Soo inspiring. What I find the most gorgeous in this post is how you are really honoring you and that you experienced the shift of what it means to truly value you and your life. It made me think about where I am saying yes and that annoyance you mentioned, that I’m so familiar with. It’s usually when we are aligned with our purpose and following our hearts that this kind of power and connection stirs up in us. So happy to see that you are there and so thankful for your message as it has inspired me to look inward and check in with my values. Run with that value, you so deserve it. So excited to follow and see where that takes you in 2013. Thank you for this special moment of insight.