Let’s be honest…Life can be heavy.
Eventually, I slipped from the fog of my denial over losing my husband and into accepting, feeling, and processing my pain from what I’d seen and experienced.
There were times when all those dark feelings were almost too much for me to bear. I worried I wouldn’t be able to get on a stage and speak about it again because I couldn’t talk about what happened without totally losing it.
During that period of my grief, I reconnected with something I’d always loved, but never verbalized–– comedy.
Growing up, my dad, his brother, and my cousins were the funniest people I knew. They were always cutting up at family gatherings, telling jokes and stories that made me laugh so hard I’d pee my pants.
My dad had an abusive alcoholic father for most of his life, and I always wondered if humor was my dad’s way of coping with the pain of what he’d seen and experienced. Regardless, comedy was still a big part of my life, and I considered myself to have a wicked sense of humor.
Some of my earliest memories are of me laughing at inappropriate times. Like the time they showed a “stranger danger” video at school in first or second grade and talked about not allowing strangers to touch your privates. I busted out laughing when they said privates, which got me kicked out of class.
I remember going to a traditional church service with a friend when I was 6 or 7, and everything about it made me laugh. To the horror of my friend’s mom, we ended up laughing uncontrollably under the pews for the entire service.
When I was 11 or 12, I went to a gymnastics camp in New York, and all I remember about the experience was making up hilarious voices, accents, and performing imitations in my cabin and cracking up my friends and the counselors.
For some reason, I’ve always found humor in everyday life. It’s just how I see things.
After Andrew passed away, so did my laughter. It’s taken me a while to revive that part of myself. I always thought Andrew was hilarious, but we had very different senses of humor.
The one common ground we had when it came to funny was watching The Office together. He had a man-crush on Dwight K. Shrute (Rainn Wilson), and I couldn’t get enough of Michael Scott (Steve Carrell). About a year ago, I started watching the show again, and I have to say, nothing boosts my mood quicker than an episode of The Office. It must be genetic, too, because this Christmas, Ellie asked for a Dwight bobblehead.
Over the years, I’ve also read books by comedians. I especially loved Seriously… I’m Kidding by Ellen Degeneres, Bossypants by Tina Fey, Yes Please by Amy Poehler, and I just recently finished Steve Martin’s Born Standing Up. I’ve even gone as far as taking improv classes.
Adding humor, comedy, and laughter back into my life has been a game-changer for my mood and my soul.
There is so much about life that is heavy and hard, which is why I highly recommend doing something every day to make yourself laugh. Doing this for myself has been part of my medicine for healing. Thank you for hanging out with me today!! Always so grateful for YOU! Blessings.
I marvel at your strength and i pray blessings on you and your beautiful daughter.