Hope you are having a great week. Has this summer not flown by? This morning I went on a walk with Ellie. I walked our dog, Keller, while Ellie pushed her stuffed animals in a baby stroller. Halfway through the walk, El asked if we could take a break. We sat on the side of the road and she told me she was sad because she missed Daddy (her father and my late husband, Andrew). She said if Daddy was here he would go on walks with us and she would put on shows for him. She said she could still do those things with me, but she still wished Daddy was here. It broke my heart and yet I thanked her for telling me how she was feeling, reminding her she could always share with me when she missed her daddy and we could talk about him. These sweet Ellie moments are always out of the blue, catching me off guard and bringing me back to the present moment.
So much of my journey over the past two years has been about learning to live in the present moment. It was a lot easier to do when Andrew was sick because we knew each day was precious. I notice now, being a couple of years removed from the experience, it’s easy to find my mind either reliving the past or anxious/excited about the future. Mostly, it’s on a subconscious level that I think about these things, but I notice it most when I’m with Ellie because it distracts me from fully being in the moment with her. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by being a single mom and feeling the weight of taking care of Ellie on my shoulders. Regardless of whatever takes me out of the present moment, I continue to be committed to being more present because it was one of the greatest gifts Andrew gave to me.
I don’t want to look back at my time on this earth wishing I had enjoyed every moment I could with Ellie, instead of being worried or stressed out about our future. One of the other gifts my experience with Andrew’s passing gave me was trusting God’s plan for my life and for Ellie’s life. I saw God had a specific plan for Andrew’s life and that only He knew when Andrew’s time was over. Living through Andrew’s death encouraged me not to sit back and let whatever happens happen, but to do my best each day with the gifts I have been given, and then to trust that whatever comes my way, God will give me the strength to overcome.
If I’m honest, the moments in my life when I am consciously aware of my thoughts, in the present moment, and trusting that God will take care of my daughter and me— those are when I am most at peace in my mind and in my heart. It is in the present I feel most fulfilled. Being in the present moment is about relinquishing control and trusting, because you are affirming, “By fully focusing on this moment, I am trusting I will have everything I need for the next moment.” This doesn’t mean we don’t plan ahead, we do, but it is essential to remember once the planning is done, to bring ourselves back to the Now, cherishing it and taking it in.
I would love to hear about a time you were fully present. What did it feel like to be in the moment? Or any tips you may have on what you do to presence yourself. Please share in the comments below!
If you want to take this conversation a step further, email me at email@example.com to set up a time to experience coaching with me! Hope you have a great rest of the week. Blessings!
I love you both and you never have to feel that you are raising her alone. We are always here when you need us. Andrew has felt near during all of the happenings of the last few weeks. Hopefully you and Ellie can do all the things Andrew only got to dream about and boy could he dream so get ready.
We love you too Mark! I am so grateful for all of the support that you and Mary give to me and Ellie. We truly enjoyed getting to spend time with you two this summer. Andrew was such a dreamer and his impact on my life continues to inspire me to fulfill my dreams for the both of us! Love you and thank you for commenting.